Where Did My Worries Go?

I'd say about 99.9% of the time, I don't give God nearly enough credit for His sovereignty, His complete control and wisdom over everything that goes on not just in my life, but pretty much in the entire universe.

One of those recurring moments happened to me the other day. I can't exactly remember the exact moment, but I was thinking about my little girl and what she'll be like when she's born and God gently reminded me how worried I used to be about her being born with some sort of serious physical defect that would cause her to either die in the womb or at a very young age.

To preface, several years ago I was visiting with Kara's brother and wife and we were viewing the video of their ultrasound screening of their soon-to-be-born daughter, Campbell. Even though we all knew the results were fine, I found myself gripped with fear over the possibility that she would be born with a birth defect.

Fast-forward to a few weeks back and as Kara and I laughed about what we think Addie will be like, the things she will do and say, that gentle tap on the shoulder came. The morning that we went in to learn the results of our ultrasound, I had complete peace about the results. It wasn't necessarily peace that everything was perfect with her, which so far we think it is, but that there was nothing the doctor could say that would change just how much I'm going to love her. From the moment we learned we would be blessed with a little girl, she's been tugging at my heart strings and burrowing her way deep into my heart and soul.

That moment gave me peace about what I'm going through at the present. While we wait for her to join us, I continue to search for a new job. While the search at times seems endless, fruitless, any other descriptive term that ends with -less, God gently reminds me that He took my biggest fear...having a child with severe physical defects...and caused it to vanish faster than a hot plate of carne asada at the Montgomery house. I may feel at times like there are no jobs out there for me and I'll never find something fulfilling, but He takes away my fears, reminds me that He has never failed to act in His timing, and that I'm wasting my time and energy on these worries. It also reminds me that I'm going to worry about anything, it should be when the Padres are going score a run again...

Life is as reliable as the weather

For those of us luckly enough to live in Southern California, we understand that part of the cost of living here is paying for "good weather." Limited rain, temperate climate, plenty of sun. However, there are those few times when the weather does not cooperate despite the amount of mortgage or rent you pay. This weekend was a perfect example of this. Sunday, it was 100 degrees at 10am! Talk about toasty!


Well, life is a lot like the weather. You never quite know what you are going to get. Lately, life has been cooperative with Eric and I - we are truly blessed. Since getting married, we have both almost finished our master's degrees, both have good jobs allowing us to live comfortably in our beloved Southern California, and last fall - God blessed us with a little Addie Jean - soon to be born in 10 weeks. However, this past week, the weather changed. Monday, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes - scarier than it sounds, but nonetheless something that has to be dealt with and that is not fun. Tuesday, we discovered that someone had stolen my credit card number and was purchasing weird software from companies in Germany. And the lowest day of all was when Eric was told at 4pm on Wednesday that he was laid off from his job at Concordia. At first, it seemed like quite a blow - he had put over 2 years at this school working WAY more than 40 hours a week. But the school is millions of dollars in the hole - and Eric was a casualty of other people's bad financial decisions. With our little one only 10 weeks away from being born, it seemed cruel and scary. But after much consideration, we realized that God had been preparing us for this for quite some time. We have been diligently praying for a way for us to afford for one of us to stay at home with our little one, and Eric had already been looking for another job. He got a decent package from the school so that we are taken care of in full until end of June with both pay and benefits - and he qualifies for unemployment after that. We are actually relieved to know that we don't have to worry about who will stay at home for Addie when she comes, and looking forward to what God brings us next. Whatever happens, we know that God is working in our lives. That is the best feeling ever - knowing that God is still working on us - molding us - shaping us - and guiding us into a new life. So not only will we get to discover a new life as parents, but a new career life as well.

Bring on the weather patterns - We are up for the challenge, and we face it head on with courage, hope, and most importantly faith.

How Does It Feel

Bob Dylan wasn't the first person to pen those words, but he gave them some bit of attention when he wrote his famous song "Rolling Stone". That line has popped into my head at various times in my life. Most recently, it's been closer to the volume of a crashing cymbal ringing in my brain and in my heart as I contemplate what it's going to mean to have a person depend totally on me for everything for the first few years of her life. Of course I'll have more than enough help from her wonderful Mommy and all the people who I know will spoil her rotten. But when it's just us at home and she needs something, she won't be able to do it herself for a long time. How is it going to feel when she comes into this world with nothing but her arms, legs and voice to cry out for a blanket and something to eat? How is it going to feel the first time her eyes crack open and it's clear that she recognizes my voice and acknowledges me as Daddy? How is it going to feel when I hand her to her mother for the first time and see all of her dreams fulfilled in that one moment? How will I feel as I pass her to each of my loved one for the first time and they pledge their love and affection to her, not because they have to, but because they will? I'm no songwriter and I can only play about 2 or 3 chords on a guitar, but I think I could fill a few volumes with How Does It Feel questions.

Countdown Begins

Ok, so really the countdown began at the beginning of the pregnancy really...sounds elementary doesn't it. But in all seriousness, I was just telling Eric the other day that it seemed like we still had so much longer to wait...Wednesday marks only the beginning of the third trimester. We getting so anxious to meet our little soccer star! But this morning the tables turned from "it is going to be forever" to "holy cow, we don't have much time!" Funny how attitudes can change at the drop of a hat!

Let me explain...so my boss has been bugging me to find out the exact date that I will be leaving on maternity. So I took the opportunity to talk with my doctor about it this morning at our 26 week check-up. She informs us of the entire policy (which is too long an boring to go into here) but basically I can leave work at 36 weeks. I do the math in my head - only 10 weeks left of work - HURRAY! Then she drops the bomb.

"So the baby's lungs will be viable at 29 weeks, and gets the sucking or eating thing down at 32 weeks - but when you get to 35 weeks, we will not stop your labor if it starts." I then do the math again...35 weeks - 26 weeks = 9 weeks. Only 9 weeks and I could possibly be a parent? Sure, technically I have another 11 weeks until I am considered "full term, " another 14 weeks until my due date, and another 16 weeks if Addie takes her time and goes past due at 42 weeks. But the 9 WEEKS kept echoing in my head...single digits...what we have hoped, prayed, and waited for. It is here, "technically." And all I can do is think of all the things left to "do" before she comes.

All it takes is one comment to go from thinking "forever" to "around the corner." Now God, grant me the energy to get all the rest of the tasks done in the amount of time I have remaining...whether it be 9 weeks or 16, or the wisdom to let the things go I cannot get to. A span of 7 weeks - seems like forever and yet not enough time.

Introducing...

It's official...the newest member of the Montgomery clan will be Adelyn Jean Montgomery, otherwise known as Addie. For those familiar with the nickname history, AJ will also be an acceptable way to address our little girl. Sorry that we had to keep you all in suspense for so long, but we were trying to give the parents a chance to learn her name in person first. Now that it's out, it's no longer a secret. Addie can't wait to meet everyone on or around June 25.

Peace Baby

Though there is no audible proof as of yet, we're pretty sure the first words that our little girl has said are "Peace Baby." She did not disappoint when her parents went for a 4D ultrasound last week and she promptly gave us this Hippie-like gesture. I don't remember us watching Forrest Gump or listening to any anti-Vietnam War music lately...apparently she's prepping for a career in international relations. That sure would be a great way for Mommy and Daddy to travel after they retire. She has been around Daddy watching an awful lot of his favorite team, the Lakers, who have been on quite a roll. Maybe this is the victory sign...though the Lakers did lose later that night. Did she jinx Daddy's team? Was she predicting the end of their winning streak? Was she telling Daddy not to worry since all streaks end eventually? Something tells me her little brain hasn't thought through all of those things yet and Daddy needs to get a grip on reality.

So crazy to think that we can get such a good glimpse of our little sweetheart at only 23 1/2 weeks along...technology has come a long way hasn'it it? We were so amazed to watch her moving her whole body - legs and arms and her little fingers and toes - all that and she only weighs about a pound! She is already smiling, punching, kicking, and an acrobat - having at one point both hands and a foot by her face and kicking mommy with the other one. She also is displaying some traits of each parent...quite amazing. The first half of the sonogram, she was shy and didn't want to wake up and show off (Gumby reserved nature) After some "coaching" on how this was her "time to shine," she took to the spotlight immediately - first shot was the peace sign (displaying the "Timmons" side of family with that little performance). It is quite an amazing experience to witness this early some personality traits of our little one, it is getting so hard to wait to meet her. Although we both know that she is exactly where she is supposed to be, we simply cannot wait to see if she is going to have brown hair, will she have Eric's eyes? One thing we already know - she is awesome already!

Wave bye-bye!

3...2...1...Contact!

So I knew that one day it would happen...just didn't think it would happen so quickly. Kara only started feeling our little girl kick about two and a half weeks ago. But sure enough on Sunday night, Kara started feeling the baby moving pretty good. Then she exclaimed that she could see her shirt moving every time the baby kicked. She insisted that I put my hand on her stomach because if the baby was causing her shirt to move, surely I would be able to feel her kicks. And then after just a few seconds of my hand on her stomach, I encountered my baby for the first time through touch. It's one thing to see her heartbeat and watch her legs move on a screen, but this time my own fingers felt this tiny little bump pressing through the skin. My heart has felt her to be real for so long, but now I've finally got to touch her. I know I don't get to actually hold her until the day she slides down the chute and out into the world, but feeling some part of her was like my own little introduction to what that day will be like. I can't wait.