Apologies and Bubbles

I think I live in such a bubble that I cannot see anything outside of diapers, toys, food stains, screaming children, teeth gel, tylenol, pacifiers, tears....and more tears, and of course, messy rooms. I used to. I used to care about returning phone calls and emails, keeping up with other people through actual personal contact, cleaning rooms and not just picking up....dusting. Not so anymore. I think some days it is all I can do is just get through that day...most days that is all that happens.

I must confess that I look at other moms who have it all put together (or at least halfway put together) and I get envious. I wish I could pull that off. I used to think I could do that when I was on the outside of parenthood looking in. Much to my chagrin, I turned into one of those moms whose kids don't match and hair is not always brushed - and let's them wears PJs until late afternoon - a mom that leaves food particles left half-ground into the carpet and dishes seemingly always coming out of the sink - and let's forget about mopping, dusting, or any of the other chores that are "optional." I long for the time to take a bath without fingers coming under the door and pleas to get in. I long for moments to pull out my scrapbooking stuff and sit down to do some work on them. I wish I could find the time and energy to keep a tidy house, have people over, volunteer for committees at church, cook practically every meal. But alas, it is miraculous if half of that gets done. I want to believe that I am not the only one...not the only mom who feels that the huge stack of papers on the desk will never get sorted, or that the vaccum will never resume to a bi-weekly chore.

In December, we got to visit Eric's family in San Diego. I miss them dearly, and it was so great to see everyone. But looking back on the trip, I think I did them a disservice. I let my world spill all over them - the frustrations, the weariness, the lack of personal contact...it all spilled out in the form of too many complaints, stories, words, anecdotes, more complaints...I was still in my bubble in San Diego - and instead of letting it go and enjoying my time, I wanted them to climb in and see inside. Did I want sympathy? No, I don't think so. Sometimes I just want other people to understand.

So please forgive me if I haven't returned your phone call/email/card and especially if you were one of the many people over the holidays that had to listen/witness a mom out of her "bubble." You can take a mom out of her house, but you can't take the mom out of her "bubble" or something like that. If you had to listen/witness me over the holidays - I beg forgiveness for dragging every conversation to the kids or just how hard life is. If you are one of those moms who do have it "together" most of the time - I sincerely applaud you - and perhaps ask for advice on how to achieve it?

I truly believe that we are greatly blessed. Life is difficult. But I wouldn't change it for the world. Despite the messy house, the mismatched clothes, and the smelly diapers, my kids are so special and great and loving. At the end of a long day - there is nothing better than hearing those little feet run to the bottom of the stairs yelling "mommy!" or hearing one of Addie's little stories or seeing one of Kacie's thousand watt smiles. What more can I can ask for? Although it can get a little messy, life in my "bubble" is pretty darn great.