The Meaning of Life

While I am confident in my eternal purpose for living, there have been more than a few days when I was receiving a paycheck where I wondered about my work.

Spending my days writing about games and statistics that only a handful of people are interested in didn't give me a lot of satisfaction as to my "greater purpose". While I loved my work and was grateful that I was able to help support my family, there was always that small part of me that had questions.

This afternoon, I was sitting in a dark living room, holding Kacie as she sucked down some juice and drifted off into the wonderful world of her afternoon nap. I've been waiting to hear about a job I applied for last month when those past questions crept into my head. I think it was in one of those rare moments when I could be still and silent that God showed me that He had provided exactly what I had been asking about for years.

Staying at home with our girls has been a challenge, but in that moment I think I finally realized that I had been gifted this time to feel like my time and efforts are valuable. I hope I can consider those thoughts every morning and treasure each day I'm home with them between now and the day I do go back to work.

The two year old that knows too much

Listen my friends to a tale of the two-year old that knows too much.

One day as mommy was putting the little girl into the bathtub, she dropped her pacifier in the bubble-filled bathwater. Declaring that it was now "yucky," she thrust it into her mother's line of sight, dangerously close to slamming into her nose. The mother took the pacifier and assured the little girl that they would clean the pacifier and get it all ready for when she got out of the bathtub. Feeling so much better, the little girl declared, "yeah, that's right, mommy! It will be as clean as a whistle!"

On another afternoon, the little girl was playing with one of her favorite Christmas gifts - a toolbox complete with screws, tools, and a drill. Picking up the screwdriver, she placed a screw into one of the holes on the tool bench and said, "OK. Righty tighty." Then she proceeded to screw it into place. Witnessing this, daddy asked, "what did you say?" The little girl declared, "Right tighty" and simultaneously screwed the screw into place.

During dinner one evening, the little girl was sitting at the dinner table with her mommy when she noticed that there was a light bulb that had gone out. She sadly declared, "oh no! the light is broken!" mommy looked up - and sure enough, the light bulb had gone out. The little girl said reassuringing patting her mommy on the hand, "its ok mommy. Grandad will fix it. Let's tell him." And tell him she did - the first time she saw him. Grandad bought a replacement bulb and fixed it when the little girl was down for a nap. When she woke up - she burst through the doors, gave everyone the requisite hug, and declared, "hey, grandad fixed the light!" She then proceeded to go to Grandad and thank him for fixing it.

Today, the little girl was busy digging into her dress-up box - completely dolled up with butterfly wings, a playskirt, and pirate hat - and found the only missing letter from one of the talking alphabet toys that had been missing for QUITE some time. Seeing that it was a "w," the little girl exclaims, "OOOOOHHHH. It's for water!" Mommy and daddy stared at each other for quite some time and said, "did she just see a letter and associate a word to it??"

Big kids and little kids

Growing up in San Diego County, the concept of a "snow day" meant driving to Big Bear or Palomar Mountain and spending the day enjoying the powdery white stuff we never saw down in the valley.

Fast forward to this morning. As Addie and I ascended the stairs, I noticed that the backyard was no longer visible and had been replaced by the white blanket I'd always dreamed of seeing as a kid. After raising the blinds so Addie could see what had come down overnight and continued to fall, I couldn't help but think she and I were having some of the same thoughts of awe and imagination go through our heads.

Below are some pictures and video of our first-ever snow day together...with cousin Alek showing us how it's done.

Apologies and Bubbles

I think I live in such a bubble that I cannot see anything outside of diapers, toys, food stains, screaming children, teeth gel, tylenol, pacifiers, tears....and more tears, and of course, messy rooms. I used to. I used to care about returning phone calls and emails, keeping up with other people through actual personal contact, cleaning rooms and not just picking up....dusting. Not so anymore. I think some days it is all I can do is just get through that day...most days that is all that happens.

I must confess that I look at other moms who have it all put together (or at least halfway put together) and I get envious. I wish I could pull that off. I used to think I could do that when I was on the outside of parenthood looking in. Much to my chagrin, I turned into one of those moms whose kids don't match and hair is not always brushed - and let's them wears PJs until late afternoon - a mom that leaves food particles left half-ground into the carpet and dishes seemingly always coming out of the sink - and let's forget about mopping, dusting, or any of the other chores that are "optional." I long for the time to take a bath without fingers coming under the door and pleas to get in. I long for moments to pull out my scrapbooking stuff and sit down to do some work on them. I wish I could find the time and energy to keep a tidy house, have people over, volunteer for committees at church, cook practically every meal. But alas, it is miraculous if half of that gets done. I want to believe that I am not the only one...not the only mom who feels that the huge stack of papers on the desk will never get sorted, or that the vaccum will never resume to a bi-weekly chore.

In December, we got to visit Eric's family in San Diego. I miss them dearly, and it was so great to see everyone. But looking back on the trip, I think I did them a disservice. I let my world spill all over them - the frustrations, the weariness, the lack of personal contact...it all spilled out in the form of too many complaints, stories, words, anecdotes, more complaints...I was still in my bubble in San Diego - and instead of letting it go and enjoying my time, I wanted them to climb in and see inside. Did I want sympathy? No, I don't think so. Sometimes I just want other people to understand.

So please forgive me if I haven't returned your phone call/email/card and especially if you were one of the many people over the holidays that had to listen/witness a mom out of her "bubble." You can take a mom out of her house, but you can't take the mom out of her "bubble" or something like that. If you had to listen/witness me over the holidays - I beg forgiveness for dragging every conversation to the kids or just how hard life is. If you are one of those moms who do have it "together" most of the time - I sincerely applaud you - and perhaps ask for advice on how to achieve it?

I truly believe that we are greatly blessed. Life is difficult. But I wouldn't change it for the world. Despite the messy house, the mismatched clothes, and the smelly diapers, my kids are so special and great and loving. At the end of a long day - there is nothing better than hearing those little feet run to the bottom of the stairs yelling "mommy!" or hearing one of Addie's little stories or seeing one of Kacie's thousand watt smiles. What more can I can ask for? Although it can get a little messy, life in my "bubble" is pretty darn great.

Girls?

It is a good thing that our girls are so cute and girly looking...because if you just saw what toys they got for christmas this year, you wouldn't think that they were girls at all.

Favorite Things: Dinosaurs, Balls, Hammer, Screwdriver (or Screwscriver if you are Addie), Cars, Guns, Blocks, Superheros, and of course, LarryBoy...anything LarryBoy.

Does this have anything to do with the fact that their 10 year old boy cousin is now around practically everyday....?? You be the judge.

Cutest Little Santas Ever!

Kacie Susanne - Day One

Just a few photos from Day One of Kacie's life. There will be more coming. Check Eric's Facebook page for the rest of the Day One album.

38 weeks and Family Pictures

So far the new baby girl is cooperating. Yesterday was the 38 week check-up and she is still in there chilling out. I am now 4cm dialated, and ready for this baby to get out already!

For those of you that don't know yet - the new baby girl's name is:

Kacie Susanne Montgomery

The "anne" part of the middle name is a tribute to Eric's late mother by honoring the last part of her middle name Luann, and the first part of her middle name "Susan" is for Kara's stepmom. Kacie is just because we like it.

Thanks for all your prayers for keeping this baby safe until she is ready to come out. We are scheduled for an induction on November 24th at 5am if she doesn't come before that. So, in less than a week we will "officially" become a family of 4...can't even believe that!

Today we got family pictures taken.  Check out some of the great moments captured.

Help!

Ok, so I know that we have been requesting a lot of prayers lately, but we have another doosy to add to the list. As I was driving back to the doctor this morning to check to see if I was any further dialated, my mom calls me from Oklahoma in an ambulance taking my stepdad Jon to the emergency room because he had just suffered a stroke. We don't know a lot except that it was a major stroke, and that they cannot remove the clot in the major artery that caused the stroke. They are doing the best medically that they can, but it is extremely limited - so we are left with putting the power in God's hands and letting him do the healing. Please everyone out there in blog land - pray for Jon. The next 48 hours will determine if he will ever speak or gain true consciousness again.

FYI - I am now dialated to 2cm and was given IV fluids in the hospital today. Tomorrow marks the 33 week mark - Doc wants us to get to at least 36 weeks...stay in there baby!!

Life is truly "unexpected"

So just when you think that things are getting more relatively under control in our lives...

Two days ago we had a routine check-up for the new baby girl (yes, still no names decided yet) for our 32 week mark. Kara had commented all weekend on the fact that she felt like the baby had dropped and she was feeling a lot of pressure, but we just tried not to worry about it - especially since we had an upcoming doctor's appointment. So, the doc checked her out and discovered that there had been contractions, is already 1cm dialated, and her cervix is soft. Doc sent her straight to the hospital to monitor the baby and the contractions and see if she was in labor. After three hours of sitting in a curtained "room," we got the results.

Good news is that the baby's heartrate was great and she was moving fine. The baby was also still in a "high station" which means she hasn't dropped too far into position yet.

Not so good news is that Kara was having contractions - but not big ones. They gave her a shot to calm them down (which gave her pretty funny shakes!). They also gave her a shot of steriods to help develop the baby's lungs in case we did deliver early - she had to go back and get another one yesterday. Boy, steriod needles are HUGE! And they did a swab test to determine within a 95% accuracy whether or not we are going to deliver early. We won't know until Monday the results of that test.

SO - Kara is now on bed rest - at least in the short term to see if they can stop these contractions and keep the baby in the incubator for a little while longer. Not sure why this kid wants to come out so badly...

This is not so great timing as the surgery is next week - but at least we have many helpers coming in the next couple of weeks...

Just keep the baby and Kara in your prayers...love to all.

God's Provision

God reveals Himself to us in so many ways...but the one that has affected me most lately is through other people. A few weeks ago, our little family made a decision that will change the course of our lives. We are now pursuing surgical methods for Eric and the decision has been a challenging one to make and keep on making.

We prayed constantly about the surgery, asked that God reveal His plan, asked that He bless that plan with provision, and asked that He guide us and teach us along the journey. God made it clear through every step of the journey that this decision was blessed by Him - from having a world-renown surgeon here in Tucson to the timing of the surgery. Only one small problem...the surgery is not covered by insurance. When faced with a big "Goliath" that totals $18 thousand dollars, it seems that there is no way to defeat it. But just as the Bible shows us in the famous story, God wants/needs us to believe that He is bigger than any Goliath out there. He will conquer...all we have to do is believe and trust. David did - and he defeated the giant. We are learning that valuable lesson ourselves.

At the beginning of September, Eric and I reached out to our entire support system of family and friends educating them on the decision to move forward with the surgery and the financial challenges we were faced with. We asked for prayers and support of all kinds. Boy - God works through people, doesn't He? We were really in a crunch to meet certain financial deadlines by certain dates so that the surgery could happen when the doctors were recommending. When God is given a challenge - and given the authority and path to fulfill His promises without us getting in the way - He delivers. The outpouring of love, support, and encouragement has been overwhelming. But perhaps the most humbling is that we have already raised well over half of the funding needed to get the surgery done!

We thank God first and foremost, for we are confident that He fulfills His promises through His people - our family and friends that have reached out through financial means have allowed this life-saving surgery to happen. We still have some money to raise, but this defeat of the seemingly undefeatable GOLIATH give us the confidence in God's provision and most importantly His love for us.

The surgery is scheduled for October 14th at 2pm PST.

We cannot say thank you enough to all of you for your gifts - financial, prayers, and encouragement. It seems so seemingly small, but thank you. We love you all.

Difference between "go-go" and "bye bye"

When you have a 14 month old, you tend to begin talking in their language. One of Addie's favorite words is "go-go." She uses it for her little ride-on Elmo car, as well as when we leave the house and she gets to ride in the car. And another word she knows is "bye-bye." She waves and says "bye-bye" to people, and blows kisses - its great.

Well, about a month ago - Daddy found out that those two words are NOT interchangeable. Every morning, Daddy has to leave for work - usually while Addie is still awake prior to a morning nap. Well, about a month ago - Addie was going through a HUGE daddy phase...so he thought he would cushion the blow of him leaving with using one of her favorite words. He leaned down and kissed her on the head and said, "Dada has to go-go to work." Well, Addie got all excited and ran to the baby gate that separates the living room and the front door. She thought that Dada was inviting her to "go-go" to work WITH him. When he left without her, the entire world crumbled. She ran over to me and climbed into my lap. Sobbing she says, "Dada no go-go. Dada no go-go." I couldn't tell whether she was more upset that Daddy was gone or that she was invited to go along and yet wasn't taken with him.

That day, we learned that just because our little one has a limited vocabulary doesn't mean we can interchange similar words. Go-go means you are taking her with you...Bye bye means you are leaving. How silly we parents are...and how smart is she.

Fun With Grandma

A busy 10-day period of visitors started last Friday when Grandma Katrina came to visit after a year away. Here are some photos and a quick video from her visit.

Obsessive - Compulsive & Other Disorders

So it is a wild ride watching your kid develop into their own little person right before your very eyes. But watching them develop weird traits while you sit hopelessly by - I never prepared myself for that.

About two weeks ago, we ATTEMPTED to put Addie into an outfit that had fit a mere week prior. Much to our chagrin, she had already grown out it and we had to drag out the bag of hand-me-downs of the next size up to begin the clothing "shuffle." So Eric and I begin the sort of clothing - shirts, pants, shorts, dresses and make immaculate piles as we move through the bag. That is, until Addie woke up from her nap. This is when we realized that our kid might have started developing some strange behaviors seemingly overnight.

Addie started with one small pile of dresses and shirts. She sat on the floor taking one piece of clothing at a time, lift it up talking quite sternly to the item, and then immediately threw it behind her with fervor. The poor article of clothing would literally go FLYING across the room while she proceeded to take the next item of clothing and repeat the process. Now one would think that after destroying the pile of clothes, this 13 month old would get bored and move onto another activity. OH NO! Not Addie. She simply turned around and started the whole process over again - but this time, the talking got louder, more intense, and the tosses got even more vehement, and all the while, she had no idea we were even in the room. Eric and I kept laughing - too afraid to move for fear that we would disturb her and she would stop. But oh what we wouldn't have given to have a video camera on her during this episode!

So in essence, we think Addie has some sort of Obessive/Compulsive disorder in her blood. This is due to the fact that she didn't stop this course of action with the clothes until 30 minutes into the activity at which time, I got a little nervous about her state of mind and started picking up the clothes to get rid or her amunition.

However, we could be wrong - Addie is far from neat an tidy like a true obessive/compulsive. Usually she plows through her toys with such intensity that at the end of the day, the poor living room looks like a nuclear bomb went off. It takes both of us parents at least 20 minutes to clear a path for the next day. So the diagnosis could more aptly be attributed to multiple personality disorder? schizophrenia? Or perhaps, just a very curious and very animated little girl...if only we could climb into her head and hear her thoughts...any day now I am sure.

Summertime

It's been quite a busy summer thus far for the three and a half of us. Addie got to celebrate her first birthday a couple of times, once with the Montgomery clan in Escondido and then again with the Timmons family out in Liberty. She also took her first trip to the swimming pool...and has loved every minute in the water. The girl has no fear...she would dive in head first if we let her. She even got to explore a couple of kiddie water areas in Kansas City, which only furthered her curiosity for all things aqua-related. We should have known after watching her splash around in the bath tub. She has also learned to make the sounds for monkeys and elephants and can pick out Ernie, Elmo and various Veggie Tales friends when requested. For more pictures, Daddy will be putting more photos up on his facebook page. It's free...sign up if you haven't already.


Walking with Mema and Grandad at the KC airport before flying home.


A rare still moment at the water park.


If I was any older, I would think this water was freezing. But I'm one...who cares how cold it is?!


Very happy with her time in the kiddie wave pool.


The patriotic swimsuit...Happy 4th everyone.


Addie's 4th of July outfit...Mommy couldn't wait to pull out this ensemble.


Chillin' with my pal Alek.


Mema is so funny.


My first swim with Mommy...we had so much fun.


More splishing and splashing in the bath tub.


Not so sure about the texture of frosting and cake in her hands...but it sure tasted good.


The birthday girl.


Addie's first birthday cake...complete with her favorite, Elmo.


Addie and Daddy swimming at Aunt Beth's place.


Mommy and Daddy had front row tickets to see the Astros beat down the DBacks.


Sucking down some apple juice and lounging on my birthday present from Ashley.

"Supposed To"

As a parent, I often hear myself utter the words, "supposed to" as it relates to some developmental milestone for Addie. Such as: "Isn't she supposed to have more teeth at this point?" However, what I find myself saying much more often is "NOT supposed to." I think every parent has inherent within them to brag about what their kids are doing at each age - how far along they are, what they are doing/saying, etc. Somehow, we think that our children are the most brilliant things that walk the earth...

But lately, I am finding myself more and more making statements in sheer disbelief rather than in a bragging tone. Addie simply is "not supposed to" be doing half of the things she is doing at this stage in life - 11 months old. And I think I say it both in disbelief and sadness because I feel like we have somehow been robbed of her "babyhood" faster than most parents. I can cite example after example, but here are just a few:

Walking

This one will be short. Addie at 10 months was full-on walking. Now at 11 months, she is practically running. She loves the game of chase, and will play until she is panting like a dog, and we have to calm her down by giving her juice. Hilarious.

Individual Play

Starting at about 9 months old, Addie decided that going off by herself in her toy corner was a lot of fun. She would sit for over 20 minutes playing with one little toy like a ribbon - entertaining herself for so long, that it worried us at times just how quiet she was being. Now at 11 months, she does this at times for close to an hour - digging toy after toy from her toybox, talking (babbling really) to them, putting them into her mouth, and then moving on to the next toy. She is so independant at times, it is isolating as a parent - she doesn't even want you over there playing with her, as she will swat your hand away and keep on playing by herself. Don't get me wrong - MOST of the time she is the most social baby ever - wanting you in her face, playing, talking, and generally having a good time. It's just that she is "not supposed to" be doing this so young...

Animal Noises

Addie loves animals. And since she was about 9 months old, she has been obsessed with trying to repeat sounds we make. She decided that the duck sound was just so much fun - that she started quacking every time she saw a duck. So we started asking often, "what does a duckie say?" And each time, she would dutifully answer us, "QUACK QUACK" For those of you that don't believe it - we have timestamped video to prove it.

Since then, she moved onto the cow - making the "moo" sound that eerily sounded more like "mama" than "moo." Remarkably, she knew the difference between the two animals, and would answer the two questions differently when asked - "quack" for duck and "moo" for cow. Her latest and perhaps FUNNIEST OF ALL sounds is the monkey. She is perhaps the cutest little monkey ever when she says the monkey sound - "ooo ahah." At one point, all you had to say is the word "monkey" and she would erupt with the sounds of the jungle. She is hilarious.

On a sad note - in the last couple of days, she has stopped making all sounds, and now looks at us as if we have three heads when we ask her what certain animals say...please tell me this is just a phase.

Mickey & Elmo

Addie loves Mickey Mouse and Sesame Street. She is actually OBSESSED with them and watches VERY intently when they come on the TV. So much so, that we have had to limit her TV time to only 2-3 20 min episodes a day as she would watch them all day without moving much if we let her. Now when they come on, she just sits like a little girl in front of the TV with her feet crossed almost indian-style and watches the images go past. We are convinced that she knows what is going on - and it was proven the other day when Mickey started clapping for one of Pluto's tricks and Addie just begun to clap right along with them - smiling and giggling.

Addie loves these two cartoons so much - that we have gotten her the stuffed animals that correlate with the show. The other day I laid out Zoe, Elmo, and Mickey on the ground and asked her to find Mickey. She prompted walked over to Mickey, squatted down, picked him up, and delivered him to me. I said, "good job!" and she clapped for herself and grinned broadly! I then asked her where Elmo was...she did the same for Elmo. She is too smart...Is she supposed to be doing this so young?

Another little trick she does with both Elmo and Mickey is so funny. In the mornings, Eric has taken to getting her out of bed and giving her the morning bottle. She takes about half of it, and then gets down to play. Eric proceeds to turn on SportsCenter or Fox News and lets her go about the hurricane-like destruction of the entire house. However, when she gets bored, she has been known to pick up either Elmo, Zoe, Mickey (or sometimes all three) and bring them to daddy. She then looks at the TV as if to say - "daddy, isn't it time for some Sesame instead of the news?" We have our hands full with this one - I tell you...

Although there are many other examples indicating how Addie is growing up too fast, I don't have the time to recount them all here - perhaps another time. I can hardly believe she is going to be a year old in just over two weeks...my how the time flies - but then again, I guess it is "supposed to."

Clearing My Mind

Generally this space is reserved for updates on Addie and eventually Baby Monty #2. However, today I am claiming my right to post my personal thoughts on something here.

For those who did not read it on Thursday, a male student at Fairfax High School in Los Angeles was chosen the Prom Queen by his peers. The student, who was originally denied the opportunity, gave a speech to the student body saying that the fliers did not specify gender for either position. I was about to ask "Since when was there any confusion about the gender specifications for kings and queens?" Apparently, the answer is May 2009. The student went on to say that he doesn't want to be a girl, but deep down he is a queen and that he felt the role would fit him better.

These comments stir a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings, but two specific ones draw the most attention. Number one, it saddens me to see that it has become acceptable enough for men of any age to turn their backs on the masculine nature that God made for them and embrace feminine traits as more appealing. Though I'm certain I'm paraphrasing, I know that John Eldredge spoke in his book "Wild at Heart" about how society has turned its nose at the strong, male character and his innate desire to be a purposeful leader. While God has appointed a number of women through time to be strong leaders as queens, they were WOMEN. They were designed to assert and provide leadership with a unique set of characteristics. My underlying concern is that society has developed such an apathy for this distortion of God's desire for us as man and woman that my children and future generations will be looked down upon for upholding these core beliefs.

Secondly, I am troubled that someone of this age would have a well-developed self-image that is so schewed from that of his birth and nobody is asking the necessary questions. What caused this young man to abandon his masculine nature? What are the emotional issues that have led him down this path? Some may disagree with me, but I refuse to accept biology. I do not accept that God created any man or woman to end up with homosexual preferences. Knowing that God sees this as a perversion and a sin, I will not accept that argument.

A third thought came to mind when re-reading one of the quotes in the AP story. The senior class president spoke for her fellow students and celebrated that the class was so open-minded. I would argue that these students are mis-characterized as open-minded and should more accurately be deemed as uninformed and blinded to the greater issues. While I hesitate to blame the media, it is an important part of our society and it has definitely contributed to the acceptance of this lifestyle. Instead, I think it is more important for us as Christians to take a greater stand against societal elements we find immoral and use both our voting and buying power to force executives to change the way they program. These children have been raised in a society that has embraced those ideals and has no concept of the long-term emotional consequences that many people will face.

I'm no crusader...just a soon-to-be-father of two who is worried sick about the world his kids will inherit. Thank you Mom and Dad for the delicate balance you forged for me between education and protection.

Addie's Additions

The last few weeks have been a busy time for our growing bundle of energy. She got to spend a few days with her grandparents and other family members in Liberty, Missouri. Needless to say, her and Mema picked up where they left off while Grandad won over his youngest granddaughter with some vanilla ice cream. When she came home, Ashley and Mommy have managed to teach her to touch her head and her belly. Then, she claps in approval...it's pretty awesome. Her walking improves everyday, as does her penchant for finding little odds and ends in and around furniture and putting said items in her mouth. Gone are the days when we could just let her exist and not worry about her finding something she might swallow and/or choke on. Less than a month until she rings in her first full year of life...stay tuned for the post-party wrap-up.

Two Birds, One Stone

Isn't it great when you can make people happy by both posting a picture of your little girl and making a major family announcement? Yes, the t-shirt tells the truth. Baby Monty #2 is due around December 1. So far so good, but we'll have more updates as we learn more.

Walk On

It was only a couple of steps, but the first ones are in the book...starring Addie Jean as the Walker and Ashley as the coach. Mommy is the director/producer of the picture.